CRASH

They say relationships are like learning how to ride a bike. Once you get the hang of it, you'll never forget it... You want to ride on it over and over again until you reach that happily ever after land...

Mine is such a bumpy ride... Until now, after almost 3 years, I still cannot grip my balance... Hence, I always fall...get hurt... bleed... hahaha. (Now I understand why my Dad did not allow me to ride on a bike when I was young...I should listen to him... tsk tsk. tsk. poor me.)

In times like this, when I'm not busy and have the chance to analyze things too much...( well, talk about analysis-paralysis you know... I have that sickness by the way... hahaha) I always look back to the time when me and my significant other was starting our relationship...

We didn't start in a traditional way like Hi-Hello...What's your number...Let's go out way...
We didn't have that courtship ek ek stage. We just fall and that's it...In fact, I always consider our relationship as an accident... not a bloody accident but a beautiful one...

Intramuros was our haven then...Its historic walls were the silent witnesses of how our love grows and flourish... And while writing this, I could still imagine how happy we were before...
We walked holding hands ( ehemmm... pasway- sway pa...) until our feet hurts... then ate isaw, fish balls and sago gulaman... It was a cheap date but very memorable... Very memorable that I could actually see it vividly until now.

I cannot continue anymore... I want to end this with those heart-melting memories... and with a note to my tabs...my loves...hehehe (malandi!)

You're one accident that I'll be willing to crash into time and time again... even if it kills me...

1Million Peso Question...Repost!!!

What do I want? I want someone whom I can call in the middle of the night without having to worry if I was going to be a nuisance to his slumber. That my calling him at such an ungodly hour meant he was that important to me that I chose him to talk to and not anyone else. And he would appreciate that. He would pretend I didn’t wake him up because he was watching late night re-runs of some pathetic sitcom anyway and push his lie further by telling me he was glad I called just so I wouldn’t feel neglected. Even if we both know he was probably way into never ever land and if I were anyone else he would’ve sent me flying there with my head between my legs. But since it was me, he would stick a needle in his eye to keep himself awake if he had to. And I would appreciate that.

What do I want? I want someone who would call me at the spur of the moment, out of the blue just because he had the urge to hear me. That his calling me at such spontaneous moments meant I was that irresistible to him he couldn’t wait for any right time to let me know he was thinking about me. And I would appreciate that. I would drop whatever it is I am doing, hold my horses and let time stop. And he would appreciate that.

What do I want? I want to be a girl sometimes. I want to be able to throw tantrums, be a brat, or turn melodramatic on some silly situation and I wouldn’t care if my being those things would affect how he feels about me because that’s who I am. That telling and showing him what I really feel means I’m that comfortable in his presence and I don’t see the need to suppress my emotions because I know he would love me just the same. And he would appreciate that. He wouldn’t tolerate my tantrums but make sure I know he understands where it’s coming from and not just tell me he does just so I would shut up but sees to it he follows through. And I would more than just appreciate that.

What do I want? I want to be with someone who doesn’t have to be told what I want because he would know. He would know that I like being with him so he would be there with and for me. No questions asked. He would know that a girl likes to be appreciated, complimented, and made to feel important. And he would do all that not only because he knows it’s what I want, but because it’s what he wants to do.And we would both appreciate it.

(these are the answers my love...until you read my blog...until you will be sensitive enough.)

White Flag

Last night was another battle... Battle with my pride and undying love...

Usually, I tend to choose my battle and if ever I have to go to war, I plot my strategy first to ensure victory.

But last night was a different story, I was caught off-guarded in a word war...

Him: ano ba gusto mo? Wala ka kasi tiwala eh?
Me: wag mo kuwestyunin ang tiwala ko...kung may doubt ako kasi may basis ako... tsaka in the first place di ako magtatagal sa'yo kung wala akong tiwala... sa relasyon natin ngayon, ang paghihintay pa lang sa'yo at pag-iisip kung magiging ok tayo...sobrang tiwala na ang binubuhos ko...anong tiwala pa ang gusto mo?

and so on and so forth...

but in the end... I surrender!

Tabs,

I hate you for that. Because you are so wise... And I am so dumb...

With you, I chose to forget all my reasons...and I wholeheartedly surrender my pride.

I lose... You win!

Happy?

Bags.

RED

My eyes are so tired... result of all the nasty things I did last night... but I had fun though. It was a night full of drinking, teasing and laughing with Rated K staff and crew. We're like bunch of little kids dancing like party animals and singing like there will be no tomorrow... hahaha. I can't remember when was the last time I had fun the way I did last night... It was so refreshing, so true, no pretentions...just pure fun... But amidst was my hidden frustration...

F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.I.ON...haaayyy... I'm writing this with a heavy heart. Much that I don't want to rant and whine about my personal life especially with my love life. tsk. tsk. tsk. I can't help it... I have to express this into writing because if not... I might explode one of these days.

Last night was a double birthday celebration of Ryan and Kuya Rannie... Whenever there's a celebration like this... I always dreamt of having Jorrel with me... I want to share with him my experiences... I want him to have fun... I want him to mingle with people close to my heart. I want him to understand the life I'm living... Per Se, I want him to be part of my life...But last night was a big blow to my face... He's pushing me away...

TOO BAD... TOO SAD...

OUCH! MY HEART SAYS...

I CAN ACTUALLY HEAR IT BUT WHAT HURTS THE MOST IS... I CHOSE TO IGNORE IT.

Almost Anniversary

It's almost a year since my last post here...I just got tired of writing. Perhaps, because I need a breather because writing is also the nature of my work. I want to let loose and forget this for awhile...Besides, i don't want to burn my neurons, I don't want to think and work my ass off in front of my computer.

Lately, I've been pondering a lot of things in my head... family, diet, work, love life,...etc. Signs of aging? haha. Well, it's one factor to consider since apart from thinking too much, I'm now also inclined in going to coffee shops instead of drinking beer in bars with loud music that could actually break my ear drums. I miss this though...I miss drinking until I can't walk and go home by myself, I miss waking up in the morning with hangovers... Needless to say, I miss being juvenile...reckless, irresponsible and carefree.

I cannot be juvenile at work...this is a no. no. And I made this promise to myself. Because apart from I don't want my workmates to hate me, I want to be good (if not excellent) in this field and I don't want to fail those people who trust me. I want to have that Pride... Pride to say that padrino system/ favoritism is not my ladder in this position. Also, this is my way of giving back to my mentors who selflessly shared their knowledge to me.

With my love life, I don't have the right to be juvenile with it. hahaha. I'm just crossing my fingers and praying that someday we will cruise the same river...If it will take forever, I'm willing to wait.

PAIN IS INEVITABLE...SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL...