DEAD END

I've been ranting and ranting about this for so long... same issue! same old shit! But I'm still trap. Can't pull myself and really turn my back then just go away!

I always tell to myself that I'm tired. I don't want to go on and just accept the fact that I was defeated. But the moment I move forward, their is a strong force that is taking be aback. So, I'm at step one again. Fooling myself that it is just fine. It's just ego anyways...

When will I learn my lesson? When will I be tough in my decision to really let it go! No more 100th chance, no more starting all over again. NO MORE!

C.P.R.

I know... I know... Writing on this page is a bad sign. I'm not emotionally OK whenever I'm facing this computer with my blog on screen and tapping the key board. But I guess that what life is... Sometimes it gets messy and out of control.

I've been in a long term relationship... 5 years it is! It is not perfect (and no one has, right?) and way too far from being one. In fact, ours is synonymous to a bulb switch (on and off) but we learn to deal with it. Maturity? Norm? Love? Hmmm.... I think, all of them but I'm getting tried... almost on the verge of calling it quits because for so long, we cannot embrace each others differences. Meaning, if we are already married, that is actually a strong ground for annulment... irreconcilable differences. hahaha

I always check myself, my dealings with him...and admittedly, I have my short comings. I'm not patient. I get easily irritated, stubborn, insensitive and sometimes asking for too much. But my gosh... given that we've been together for almost half a decade now, can't he just understand me? Allot more patience and sometimes make me feel good, beautiful and special.

Oh noh! I cannot believe that I'm ranting about this online when I could actually tell this to him face to face... Not that I'm scared to fuel a fight but more of tried of arguing in an unresolved issue. It is not worth my time.

And with that... I think this is enough! I will just let this post end this way... and how I wish, I could also do this to my so called relationship, just let it be! Que sera sera! and close whenever/ whatever I want to. Sigh!